Raining...

C, if every step I ran was a resemblance of how much I love you… I would be running none stop forever…

The nights has been hard for me to get by and it seem that the road that I used to take suddenly became so long… I have been fighting hard to pull myself together and deal with my daily life. it has begin to become a drag for me to report to work nowadays, for the reason that I keep having the “play back” of what happened that day “replay” Again and again and AGAIN in my head every time I step out to the front showroom car park.

I must have lost it today for I’ve screamed at M.T today, because there is this stupid insurance guy who have been trying to be “funny” with me from day 1 this car which came in for a claim… (M.T, Dude… I am Sorry that I’ve took in out on you… Ba Gu Tae, on me this coming Monday? Let me know if you onz)

Scaring the living hell out of me as I nearly got into an accident with another car for my mind is having too many “Flash back” While on my way back home after another long day in the office…

I ended up parking the car in a nearby car park and took a cab home for the last thing I want now to get into a car accident… and to made matters worst the faking DJ is spinning all the bloody sad love songs on the radio… KNN, I nearly had a fight with the cab driver because he did not agree to switch of that God damn radio when I asked him to.

Since when I’ve turn to a drowning reed? Raising my hand I pray to God for a helping hand… But it seem to be a dead end street, not matter where I turned to or what I do…

The smile of C has became a razor cutting my heart leaving me to bleed like mad endlessly… This unexpected “reunion” has knocked me off my feet.

I have lost faith in God and life for the very last hope that gets me through all the night and keeps me hanging to my life has been shattered…. I’ve always prayed and believe that they will end up going on their own ways not very long after they are married for some reasons…

I guess this will not happened at least for some time because they seems so loving to me the very moment when they bid goodbye to me that day while all that time they did not even take their eyes off each other and it was as if they are shoving a beggar off in some shopping center, leaving me standing outside the showroom feeling like crap filled with hatred and sadness…

God... why are you doing this to me? I have a weak heart for all you know... you have given me all the best but at the same time you took them back after some time... 1st losing my flying job because there are funny reading on my ECG chit... then the woman I loved so much in another man's arms. And now the display of their love when I've just come to peace with myself?

Please go easy on me... this son of yours is losing it for the "ride" you have "programed" for him is getting too much for him to handle...